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#1 Thing Preteens Seek From Their Parents Without Knowing

Updated: May 17, 2022

Just as the seasons have changed, so have many of our students begin transitioning into the "Pre-Teen" years. As a mother of 5 adult children, believe me when I say, "You can do more than survive this time. You can THRIVE!" I am sure some of you may be hoping the child makes it. There are a few things we can do as parents/guardians that may seem small but will prove to be invaluable investments in the lives of our children.

The #1 thing children seek during this stage is security. Security in knowing that no matter what, we will love and support them unconditionally. Hence, is why we often see their temperaments and attitudes cycling back around to what looks like the "terrible two's" and the "terrific three's". However, during the pre-teen and teen years there tends to be a rollercoaster of emotions that get in the way of communication and connection. We can foster our children's needs as we intentionally and persistently provide:

  1. Consistency: This includes but is not limited to

    1. Schedules/ daily routines are kept as closely as possible to the same times regularly.

    2. Check-ins even when they don't seem to appreciate it. Ask about their day, friends, and dreams

    3. Share quality time and affect. This should be customized to the child's love language.

  2. Boundaries: Contrary to popular thinking, boundaries teach independence, and freedom and communicate love significantly. Boundaries also teach respect for self and others. Boundaries also encourage leadership skills because understanding leadership begins with understanding influence and integrity. A good leader not only influences others but practices integrity. And integrity begins with understanding boundaries.

  3. Affirmation of their value: This speaks to who they are not their abilities. Affirming their personality and encouraging to their best efforts.

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